


Glamorous Closure

by ALorgeBear



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and here we are, future chapters in the works and stuff, gays, hhhhgggghgghhghghhhhh, i was thinking about taako dealing with sazed and glamour springs after the day of story and song, it ends gay and happy i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-15 21:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14798471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALorgeBear/pseuds/ALorgeBear
Summary: Taako receives a letter.





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> the first fanfic ive ever posted,,, wrow. feedback hella appreciated <3

“Mister Taako?”

The sound of his name and a small rapt at the door causes the elf’s ears to perk up, however he doesn’t look upon his drow secretary as she enters.

For nearly two hours now he’s been confined to a violet leather armchair, focused entirely on the mountainous pile of applications for both jobs and attendance that require the official Taako stamp of approval.

“Ren,” Taako says with a small smile, “You know you’re my homie, there’s no need for formalities. I’m not your fuckin’ high school principal, dig? We’re homefries, just “Taako”’s good. But yeah, spill it, my dude.”

He designed his new headmaster’s office to be as grand as possible, as is the Taako way - Imported mahogany desk, small overhanging crystal chandelier, lush blue topaz coloured carpet, a rather large painting of himself riding Garyll the Phantom Steed with a triumphant middle finger in the air.

Many candelabras.

He absolutely had to let whoever came in here know who the boss wizard was.

Ren smiles sheepishly before gently setting an official-looking wax sealed letter in a golden envelope next to the leaning tower of papers on her boss’s desk.

“Some militia came by with an important letter for you, sir.”

The elf hums absentmindedly as he lifts a glass of water to his lips, half-listening, sharp eyes skimming over a list of cantrips and novice spells paperclipped carefully to a thirteen year old orc boy’s grade papers.

Almost immediately after the Day of Story and Song, Taako Fromteevee Taaco took it upon himself to elevate his brand by making it widely accessible to the masses; A fashion line, cookware, themed restaurants, bookstores filled with autographed literature, etcetera etcetera.

His proudest statement was that of purchasing a grand castle located just over the hills of Neverwinter (via donations of a campaign he had dubbed “Taako’s Rad-as-Fuck Kickstarter”). 

The place was falling apart, infested with rats, probably had some important historical significance and was nearly completely swallowed up with ivy, but for a fucking castle the real estate was cheap as hell.

With only a mere three weeks of construction from droves of eager builders, botanists, exterminators and interior designers, the crumbling fortress had been transformed into the aptly named ‘Taako's Correspondence School of Wizardry, Cantrips & Other Magics’, or ‘TCSWCOM’ for short, which didn’t exactly roll off the tongue and sounded like you were casting a shitty spell. 

There is still work to be done; a few holes to patch a cobwebs to dust, but already countless magic users from all over the plane have been flooding the academy with resumes, immeasurably eager to fill its halls and classrooms.

“Thanks bro-ham,” Taako mumbles, “Gimme a minute and I’ll be in there like swimwear.”

Taako sips his drink while Ren clears her throat politely.

“Uhm… It’s from the Glamour Springs sheriff’s office.”

Key-lime Go-Gurt shoots up Taako’s nose in a choking gurgle and oozes from his nostrils as he claws for a handkerchief (which Ren kindly offers), wiping his face down and coughing up green dairy-based slime.

He pounds a fist into his chest to clear the liquid-solid out of his esophagus before regaining his composure and clearing his throat rather awkwardly.

“... Oh. Ah. I see. Okay. Thanks Ren, I’ll uh… Yeah, I’ll get to it.” His forced smile is missing its usual charm, “Jeez, don’t know what I’d do without you here keeping me updated with the mail and junk, ‘probably lose my own ass, y’feel me?”

Taako chuckles half-heartedly, attempting to ease the look of concern on his assistant’s face.

Ren finally nods with a warm smile and a pitying glance and turns to leave.

As soon as she has closed his door and he is alone once more, Taako’s eyes dart down to the letter, a knot twisting his innards into an intricate bow. He’s afraid of taking it too fast, wringing his manicured hands before he reaches towards it, a cold sweat forming on his palm.

He doesn’t even know why he’s so reluctant. Everyone in the universe knows of his innocence, they even eat up the appeal of such a tragic backstory with sympathetic adoration, and of course he’s smart enough to have expected a letter. Eventually.

Maybe he just tried to put such a bad memory behind him; keep it out of his mind now that everything is okay, until it confronted him once more.

Maybe he tried to forget about Sazed - about the accident - entirely, erase both from his brain.

That’s almost too ironic for him to bear; the one thing he wanted to forget was the one thing left unstolen by the static over all these years.

With shaking hands, he carefully removes the wax seal and unfolds the crisply tucked letter.

 

“ Mister Taako Taaco,

Glamour Springs, as a whole, would like to offer you its sincerest of apologies.

The weight that you must have carried on your shoulders for these past seven years I can only assume has been monumental; I can scarcely imagine such a singular grief.

For seven years your name has carried the blame of the greatest tragedy this town has ever fell victim to, but I’m happy to inform you that the hatred we as a town and I as a lawbringer have harbored for so long is, as it should be, now rightfully gone.

After your day of triumph over the blackness that threatened this world, your wanted posters were torn down and burned in a large bonfire at the center of town - a joyous celebration before the search for the true murderer began.

I have been far too busy with the manhunt to ever send you an official letter, and for that I deeply apologize.

However I am very pleased to say that the hunt is over.

Around 12:39 pm yesterday afternoon Sazed Proditor arrived on the outskirts of town, was promptly arrested, and immediately confessed to his crimes.

He shall receive the death penalty for the charges of mass murder and resisting arrest by fleeing from the scene.

He is being held in our strongest cell as we speak, though I severely doubt he has any plans of escape. He has been made aware of his execution three days from my sending of this letter and has quietly accepted his fate without complaint.

As the sheriff of Glamour Springs I declare you officially pardoned, sir.

I wish to offer you a visit with the prisoner, if you so desire, but I understand that you are a very busy man.

I await your response and/or arrival patiently.

Sheriff Cyprus”

 

That afternoon he cries in the solitude of his office.


	2. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus is perceptive and Taako has a painful reunion ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this turns out good here we gO

“Sir?”

Angus looks upon his father (well, he guesses he could fully consider Sir Taaco his adoptive father at this point), with mild concern as Taako touches up his own makeup in the hallway mirror of their shared tuscany-style villa, a cozy home the young boy shares with his seven caretakers.

Even though Taako complains of a draft and that the homeowners insurance is terrible, the world’s greatest detective can easily sleuth out the fact that the elf is fully content here.

As long as their dysfunctional little family shows up at the dinner table, all is well.

The young human wizard’s green frog backpack still remains on his back - he had only returned home from school a mere five minutes ago to find his most flamboyant caretaker pacing about the house.

“Is it date night for you and Mister Kravitz tonight?” Angus inquires.

“No, no,” Taako says vaguely, applying a second coat of mascara, “Nothing like that. Papa just has a little… issue to address out of town.”

“That’s rather vague, sir,”

Angus adjusts his round glasses.

“You seem pretty intent, which is odd. You have your extra-loud clacking heels on, meaning you’re wanting to assert some kind of dominance. Are you meeting with someone of important significance?” His son (well, he guesses he could fully consider Angus Mcdonald his adoptive son at this point), quips.

“Perceptive as always, kid.”

'Nothing gets past the little scamp, does it?' The elf thinks.

Taako adjusts his goofy, floppy wizard’s hat atop his head and twirls around to face his freckled magic-boy.

“Don’t worry about it Pumpkin,” He says sweetly, patting Angus on the fluffy head. “Papa’s going to whisk away this little problem. Poof!”

Taako waves his hand in a flourished twirl before nabbing his Fantasy Gucci sunglasses and approaching the rosewood door, heels clacking on the hardwoods louder than usual.

“Your daddy will be back from work around nightfall, so will uncle Barold and aunt Lup,” He says, “Pretty sure I won’t be back by then, but there’s leftovers in the icebox so help yourself. Call uncle Magnus or aunt Lucretia or whoever if there’s a problem, but god forbid grandpa Merle. Only call him if it’s an emergency and you can’t reach literally anybody else. Like I’d literally trust you more with… Pringles,” He pauses to apply lipstick, “...Or a bear. Dig?”

Angus nods.

“Alright,” Taako sighs, “Do your homework or set the house on fire or some shit, I don’t really care.”

“Okay, sir.” Angus shuffles on his feet. “And, just to be clear sir, if I may interject… I think you need to change the possessive to “ours” on that one. After all, Mister Kravitz is your daddy as well.”

“.........”

Taako deadpans at his smug little bastard of a son sporting the innocent smile he gets when he’s said something clever before pushing his designer glasses up on his nose.

“God, puberty is making you even more of a smartass. Joke’s on you, kid, the only leftovers in the fridge are beetroots. I had a bomb-ass marinara in there and everything, but now it’s just beetroot. Sayonara, you little shit.”

“I love you, sir.”

The corners of Taako’s lips quirk upward, but only slightly.

“Hmph. Yea. ‘Love you too, Agnus.”

As he shuts the door behind him, the elf stands motionless, only for a moment, gripping his fingers into the edge of the cloak hanging down by his side.

'Out of the sweet future and into the bitter past,' he thinks.

His guts remain in that same taut bow.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The formalities are quick. Crowds gather as his carriage rolls into town, producing whistles and adoring cheers that he has grown accustomed to by now.

Not much has changed over seven years - Glamour Springs appears as if it has been frozen in time. No new buildings had been built and nothing renovated.

'Did the incident really have that much of an impact?' He wonders.

He remembers everything about the last episode of Sizzle It Up with Taako.

How humid it was outside, the type of clouds in the sky, the sounds and smells.

Sometimes on his travels he finds people with eyes shockingly similar to the ones he had happened to catch gazes with in the crowd and it takes every ounce of willpower for him to not become paralyzed on the spot.

Ren has eyes like that, but he’s used to it by now.

One of the Hammerheads in Goldcliff had eyes like that, can’t remember which.

Johann had eyes like that.

….

He takes a deep breath as the buildings roll by, ignoring the screams of the crowd.

Thank Istus he decided to wear sunglasses; they can’t tell what he’s feeling.

His carriage stops outside the militia station where guards in sparkling silver armour hold back the throngs of townspeople.

He gives his fans a customary wave before he is greeted inside by Sheriff Cyprus, a rather large half-elf man in armour of gold with a slick handlebar moustache and friendly grey eyes.

Quite exuberant for a militia station; reminds him more of his headmaster quarters back at the academy than, say, the dusty office back in Refuge. Much bigger, too. He supposes such flair is sufficient for a town named “Glamour Springs”.

Hands are shaken, apologies are given and accepted in person; gratitude for his arrival as well and another apology for such a delayed letter. The air is nervous and slightly tense.

“I don’t know if you saw,” The sheriff says in a grumbly, aging voice, “But there’s a plaque in the middle of town. All the known names are engraved there.”

No, he didn’t, actually. Too busy mulling on the past.

“Not enough time or space to stop, I’m sorry,”

Taako clears his throat.

“But… If it isn’t too much trouble, sheriff, do you happen to have a list of the deceased in here that I can see?” The elf asks politely, pushing his sunglasses up onto his forehead. 

Cyprus nods solemnly, extracting an old, folded parchment from his desk as if he had already been expecting such a request.

Taako’s eyes almost reluctantly scan the ink. This was going to hurt.

Some surnames are singular. Around six or seven are listed as “unknown”; wastrels and vagabonds who wandered to their doom. Some surnames are bunched in groups of three or four or even five.

Families.

Parents, grandparents, caretakers.

Children.

Taako’s hands crinkle the paper just slightly. It takes him a long time to read them all, swallowing each down like a bitter drink. They burn into his mind and he isn’t sure if that’s good or bad.

Morbidly, he recalls the fallen forms of poisoned people he had gazed on in horror while his mobile kitchen careened away from the town as fast as his horses could run and wonders which names went to which faces.

“... Thank you, Sheriff,” He brings himself to say after a lengthy silence, “I… I never knew their names. Not one.”

Cyprus studies the elf’s face with an understanding tenderness only found in kind older men who had seen such tragedy time and time again.

“The prisoner is downstairs in the cell room. Why don’t I escort you down, son?” The sheriff clears his throat, “Apologies… Mister Taako.”

Taako shrugs, hanging his sunglasses on the collar of his shirt.

“Formalities are dumb anyway.”

Cyprus notices the wizard’s hands curl into fists.

“Yea. Yea, I’d like to see the prisoner.”

The sheriff grunts in response.

“Why don’t you go ahead and keep that list, son?”

“... Thank you.”


	3. A Spook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako gives someone a call and wraps up a meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo???? last chapter???????? its kinda short. eh. anyway you guys are so sweet with the comments and kudos <3 thanks so much!!

“I-"

“Shut up.”

The half-orc flinches, pressing his chewed lips tightly together.

He sits on the cold, uncomfortable floor of his small containment cell, squirming under the venomous gaze peering at him past the thick bars.

Despite the darkness, Sazed can see the disgust on his visitor’s face, the face of someone who, even after seven years, he could never remove from the eyes of his heart.

There is a long, long silence. They are alone. No one, not even a natural disaster or a God, would dare interrupt a meeting so long in the making.

“... Y’know,” Taako begins, his voice lacking any and all emotion, “I’m gonna make this quick. You’re not worth my time. If the sheriff would’ve let me in that cell, so help me Gods I would’ve fucking strangled you by now.”

Sazed shuffles in his spot.

“I don’t care that you ruined my show,” Taako continues, “My means of living, my reputation. I couldn’t care less about that. That’s not what bothers me. Y’know what does?”

The elf holds out the long casualty list out in front of the prisoner, dangling it in front of his sunken face unceremoniously.

“Look.” He commands.

The prisoner remains motionless, staring at his own quivering hands. After a silence he stutters quietly, voice quaking in a whisper.

“I already know, I-I… I know how many people-”

“Look.” Taako commands more forcefully, his voice cracking slightly in barely contained fury and anguish.

Sazed’s shoulders begin to shake. He raises his head, gritting his teeth to hold back the snubs beginning to wrack his body and blinking tears out of his reddened, puffy eyes.

“Read those names,” Taako says slowly. “To yourself; you’ve already spoken too much.”

After a moment of scanning the names of the departed, Sazed hangs his head once more with a broken sigh.

Taako squints down at him, sneering as he folds the list neatly into a small rectangle, tucking it into his tunic.

“You made me think this was my fault.” He says quietly.

His voice raises to a near shout.

“Even after everything was taken away from me, you somehow found a way to steal the one thing I had left...”

He trails off, a lump forming in his throat. Cooking was one of the last things he had still connected to his life before the static. To Lup. Of course, his talent was never robbed from him, but if you’re unable to share what you create with the world then what joy is there to be had?

After a long, hopeless pause punctuated by Sazed’s pathetic snubbing Taako’s expression softens.

“You know what, Sazed?” He drawls out in a velvety tone, causing the aforementioned to lift his head by a centimeter, startled by the sudden change in inflection, “I understand. You were jealous of me. And you know what?”

Taako kneels down in front of the prisoner, removing his floppy hat in a gesture of sincerity. Sazed meets his eyes, hiccuping.

“I totally get that. I mean, you’re still gonna die. But… as far as I’m concerned, you’ve learned your lesson in this mortal plane.”

Sazed blinks, baffled.

“You… You’re forgiving me?” He sniffs weakly as snot hangs from his nose.

Taako hums before straightening himself and digging a hand into his purple cloak.

“Well… Hold that thought, my man.”

Out comes a stone of farspeech, smooth and bedazzled in his palm that with a few quick taps begins to ring. Sazed waits impatiently, scratching at the concrete floor, his eyes glued to the elf with a glimmer of faint hope. Taako raises the stone to a pointed ear and in a mere three seconds a deep, rich “Hello?” responds from the other end of the stone that sends an unexplained chill up the half-orc’s spine.

“Hey sugartits, how’s the reaping today? Look, I know you’re at work, but I need you to c’mere for a second. Would you?”

There is a small sigh before the person on the other line responds with an “Alright”.

“It won’t be long darling,” The wizard says, “I promise. Then you can get back to the soul harvesting.”

Taako hangs up, tucking the stone back into his pocket and placing his designer shades back over his eyes.

“Oh, by the way” He says with a wicked smirk, “I got a new man.”

Sazed squeals in fear as a portal tears open beside Taako out of thin air, watching in horror as a skeletal figure with glowing red eyes in a fine black suit steps through, a long black cloak held by a raven skull clasp around its broad shoulders and an enormous scythe in its hand.

As the portal closes, a swirl of blue flame envelopes the specter’s body, applying near ebony dark skin to bone to morph an extremely handsome face with long dreadlocks and tastefully groomed beard.

"I know," The elf guffaws, "Quite the fuckin' upgrade, huh?"

The ghastly figure peers down at Sazed’s frightened form with a quirk of his trimmed eyebrow and regards Taako quizzically.

“Darling,” He says, his voice silky and dark like the ink of a calligraphy pen, “Who is this man?”

Taako keeps his shaded eyes on Sazed, unmoving.

“Well, sweetcheeks? Tell the nice man your name.”

Sazed shivers, the air in the room suddenly deathly cold.

“S… Sazed…” He stutters, his heart beginning to unnaturally race.

Kravitz’s jaw sets and his ruby eyes spark like a jumping flame. The room feels colder, a ghostly sensation akin to the chill fingers of death tracing up the prisoner’s body.

“Oh.” The reaper says plainly, “I see.”

With a flourish of his wrist his scythe disappears and he bows politely, almost mockingly, his fiery eyes piercing straight through the half-orc like an arrow, refusing to break the gaze.

“Kravitz. Charmed.” 

A cat-like smile stretches across Taako’s face, his arms snaking around his tall, dark and spooky hubby as Kravitz straightens, his dark stare feeling like a hand around Sazed’s throat.

“You may have learned your lesson in the mortal plane,” Taako says, too bemused for his own good, “But just fuckin’ wait till you get to the death plane.”

Sazed’s heart stops. He knows who this is.

Taako grins in pure delight.

“A couple days from now, when that headsman's ax improves on that greasy, ugly haircut of yours, my husband here’s gonna tear you a new asshole.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So. How was that trip of yours?" Lup says, leaning on a sleepy Barry Bluejeans with a gallon of milk in her hand as opposed to just filling up a goddamn cup, watching her brother prepare breakfast for their sizable family.

"Oh y'know," Taako sighs, flipping a pancake in the air with acrobatic grace, watching it plop back down onto the pan with a sizzle.

"It was... satisfying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wahooooooooooo i hope yall enjoyed!! i might keep it up with the fanfics if people think theyre worth reading and such. thanks for reading, it means a lot!! bye bye <3


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